Is it safe?

... Anyone read this blog?

Capers and olives and plays, oh my!

Oh my goodness, that was such a cheesy title. I'm sorry.

I've been doing more self-analysis. *cue collective groan from non-existent audience* Yup! I have decided that I am like a caper. Not a mystery story, but those little green things that my grandma puts on this chicken with lemon zest (so good). They are little and easy to look over, but when you put them in your mouth, the flavor is explosive! OK, that sounds really wrong. No, I don't explode when you put me in your mouth. But I do have a very explosive personality when unleashed. And, like capers, you either like it or you don't. Personally, I really like capers. They're like mini green olives, which I also love. I'm not discriminating against black olives though. I like them too.

Our show is tomorrow. And my optimism doesn't seem to have an off switch. As frustrated as people get with the show, I'm still like "Yay! It's gonna be so good!" Not quite like that, but you get the general idea.

On to a completely new note: AAAGGGH! I've got a persuasive speech due on Tuesday and I haven't done anything on it! If this was like any of the other speeches in the class, I would have no problem. Write it in a hour, put it on note cards and read with expression. Not hard. But I need sources for this one. 4 sources. I hate research. And my topic isn't as easy as I thought. On the day we were getting our topic approved I had seen this clip of radical Christians protesting at the funeral of a gay soldier. So what's my topic? "The negative view on Christians and how we can change it," *sigh* I think it'll be a good speech... If I can find any freaking resources!

And now, because I have that stupid thing looming over my head, I feel guilty when ever I have free time and I'm working on my book or reading for fun. I swear, it's like my poor characters are getting restless. (No, I'm not crazy... just eccentric)

Wow, I love the spell check on this blog. It's really cool.

Friends, a concert, and... Oh, just issues... sort of. This title is already too long, but now it's amusing me so I'll make it ridiuclous on purpose.

My last post resulted in mini chaos. Not really, but it was quite... odd. I read a blog posted in reply and it made me all angry as did a few other ones that I read. Since it was past 12 at night that's not a good thing. I tried to post an irritable response, but I wasn't a member of the blog system, so I was thwarted; a good thing I suppose. I was grumpy for a few days after that; I don't think anyone noticed because it was kind of subtle and when I say grumpy I mean just a bit miffed at a few little things. I wasn't even all that miffed. Was there a point in the above paragraph? Do I care? Not really. Anywho, that was fun.

I had a chorus concert today. It was very nice. But while I was up there, wondering if I would draw attention to myself if I melted (it was very hot), I began to think about myself. See, I have this really weird habit of monologing(sp?) to myself when nothing is going on. No, I don't think it means I'm crazy, I just read and write alot and my writing seeps into other aspect of my life.

Anyway, I began thinking about friends. Kind of. I started think about how I'm almost scared of people. (not scared, but you know what I mean). It's not like the other kids hated me in high school. They were just indifferent. I'm not complaining or anything, a bunch of it is me for not stepping up. But now I'm almost afraid to pop out of my shell because I'm scared of alienating the people who say "hi" to me (we're friends, see?) because I'm either too peppy or sarcastic (A contradiction, I know, read my profile). I worried about irritating people. I know I'm being paranoid, and if I stepped up, friends wouldn't be so few and far between. People probably think that I'm the indifferent one when I'm notm far from it. I'm just shy, I guess. Wow, when I got that "superlative" in HS, I thought it was completely wrong, but now I don't know. I don't want to be the quiet girl in the back of the room, I'm just afraid of pushing people away. That's a really weird paradox, I know.

With the exception of the last few posts, I tend not to talk about "deeper" things in my life. some people do, and that's fine. Blogs just aren't where I put my inner secrets or whatever. But there are some things I think it is good to let people in your head in about.

So what was to purpose of this blog post? To whine? To cry for others to reach out the hand of friendship? Or to simply put off the heap of homework piling up on me? Meditate on that. I'm not going to, but you can. Yes, I know that made little to no sense. I do that sometimes. ^_^

Out of the Norm Post

For me at least. I know most of these are pretty light, but this has been on my mind for a while.

Ever since I started college, it seems like I am surrounded by pessimists. Professors and other people look at me like I've got something wrong with me when I say that I believe in hope, light, and happiness. I don't see why an intelligent person can't have faith without being looked down upon. I don't shove my opinions and beliefs on others and I wish the pessimists out there would do the same. I'm sorry, I don't want to hear about how "silver linings don't exist" and how happy endings are foolish. Do you really like living like that? Its sad, it really is. But just because you feel like your existence means nothing, that doesn't mean mine can't. I mean, I've been talking to people who don't believe free will exists. And they will argue with me until we are both blue in the face. In the end, all I can say is that I like being the way I am. I like seeing the light in things. It's not always easy, but isn't it worth it? I don't want to let go. I'm going to hold on. I hope that my joy will spread to others, but I can't let others' depression leak into me. I'm not saying that I won't listen to your problems. I can't stop caring and I don't want to. All I'm saying is give light and God a chance. If you don't, that's your decision, but please don't try to bring me down.

Edit: Oh, and to the people who call "happy books" trash, I stole this quote from my friend Justin's myspace page:

"Make me laugh. Make me cry. Tell me my place in the world. Life me out of my skin and place me in another. Show me places I have never visited and carry me to the ends of time and space. Give my demons names and help me to confront them. Demonstrate for me possibilities I've never thought of and present me with heroes who will give me courage and hope. Ease my sorrows and increase my joy. Teach me compassion. Entertain and enchant and enlighten me.Tell me a story."-"The DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics, by Dennis O'Neil.

Why not?

According to the comments on my last post... No one reads my blog. Oh well. I don't feel pressured to post. I never did, but whatever. :p

So I miss my phone. I'm currently using my old one because my new (?) one fell on the floor and the screen is all white. It works as a good flashlight, and it makes and recieves calls but I can't use any other nifty features or look at my super awesome batman/my little pony picture. So I'm using my old one. Which really isn't that bad; I love the big, clear screen. But I've got some pics and contacts on the old phone that I can't get to because the screen is completely useless. Again, what can you do? Yes, I realize it is an inanimant object, but it was one that was very rarely away from me. Still think it's pathetic? Smash you're phone and see how you get along. Just kidding, that's not a good idea. ^_^

Other news, I got contacts and I can put them in without feeling like I'm going to pass out. Suprised? Me too. I'm very proud.

My story is coming along very nicely. John (who is no longer John, but now Liam) is free from my head to wander about on paper where he can yell and be morally grey to his heart's content.

So that was fun. I'm going to study for my humanities exam. Or sleep. That sounds like a good idea too. Later!

Hello friends. Before I begin today, I want you do something for me. Comment. You don't have to be registered to comment, just do it please so that I know if I need to tell people about my blog again and because I'm curious. that is all. Hardly a 5 page paper on Gothic literature that I really don't want to write, but have to before Tuesday. The paper is like a little cloud above my head. I know what you're thinking, just do the paper and get it over with. I'm afraid it's not that simple. Ok, it is, but I really don't feel like doing it. Gothic literature makes me fidgety in the first place. Analyzing it just adds to it. I don't wanna write about the freaking yellow wallpaper! I don't like it!

I presented a speech today. I think it went very well. I got a 95, so I guess it did go well. It was about anything I wanted, so I talked about the wonders of reading and writing.

Our show is in full swing rehersal and cast wise and it's going to be great. So come see, it'll be super fun! Yes, I did say super fun.

I have an eye apointment tomorrow. I want contacts. I was running to class ltike a dork today because I was running late and my lens popped out again. I'll have to get over my eyeball phobia, but I think it'll be worth it.

Writing is going nicely. I'm ready to introduce a new character. Everyone say hello to John. He's very special.

Well, I'm going to go whine about my paper a little more before I work on my story or watch TV, putting the dumb thing off till tomorrow. Later!

College, literature and other stuff.

Wow, it's been some time hasn't it? But that's the way it is with blogs. At least mine anyway.

So alot of people seem to think I have overloaded myself with 17 credits this semester. Yesterday I was talking to someone at work and when I said 17 they were like "I don't know what that is, but it's the most anyone has told me so far," Really? Right now I don't feel like it's that much. Maybe because I'm taking stuff that I enjoy and not calculus and chemistry. And 2 of the credits are small classes that don't have homework, chorus and musical theatre (so much fun!).

Speaking of musical theatre, we have decided to put on the play "Kiss Me Kate". In short, it's about a group of people putting on a version of Shakespear's "Taming of the Shrew". So it's sort of a play within a play. We don't know about parts yet, but I'll let you know when I find anything out.

Writing, I've got over 30 pages right now. That's what it was last time I looked, but I haven't in a while, so it's probably more.

I was a dork and bought the Heroes season 1 DVD. First show that I've ever done that with. It's just that awesome. The characters are the strong point.

Speaking of characters and such, my humanities teacher was talking about Cervantes (sp?) and she asked, "Is it good to read?" Everyone said yes. "Is it good to read trash like Dannielle Steele? No, It adles the mind," That kind of talk gets on my nerves, really, so I said that "Actually it's better than sitting in front of the TV. When you're picturing things in your mind it helps prevent Alzheimers," She told me that I had a point.

Anyway, I don't read Dannielle Steele, but I read Nora Roberts. And really, if you enjoy it and it makes you imagine, wonder or think, isn't that what it's about? Just because a work of fiction isn't reveared by critics or completely depressing doesn't mean it's trash. Why does everyone have to die in the end for it to be "good"? That's stupid. I like writing that gives me hope, makes me happy in the end. And isn't that what it's about? Bringing out a feeling, telling a story, making you feel for characters? I hate the opinion that "it's not real literature unless it's tragic,". Don't get me wrong, some tragedies are good. Hamlet, many other Shakespear tragedies. But I prefer looking for the light at the end and I don't think that makes me any less intelligent, or any less of a reader or a writer. You can have well rounded, fully developed characters that get to live happily in the end. Now, I don't think that the entire story should be bunnies and rainbows, there has to be conflict, I'm talking about the ending. Does this make sense? Look at Jane Austen. She has complex characters, and they mostly end well. Why don't we see work like this praised anymore? Of course, there aren't alot of Jane Austen's out there, but people get on my nerves when the discredit types of literature when they brush it off because it doesn't end in despair. Well, that's my rant. Heroes comes on the 24th and I need to go to work. Talk to you later!