Friends, a concert, and... Oh, just issues... sort of. This title is already too long, but now it's amusing me so I'll make it ridiuclous on purpose.

My last post resulted in mini chaos. Not really, but it was quite... odd. I read a blog posted in reply and it made me all angry as did a few other ones that I read. Since it was past 12 at night that's not a good thing. I tried to post an irritable response, but I wasn't a member of the blog system, so I was thwarted; a good thing I suppose. I was grumpy for a few days after that; I don't think anyone noticed because it was kind of subtle and when I say grumpy I mean just a bit miffed at a few little things. I wasn't even all that miffed. Was there a point in the above paragraph? Do I care? Not really. Anywho, that was fun.

I had a chorus concert today. It was very nice. But while I was up there, wondering if I would draw attention to myself if I melted (it was very hot), I began to think about myself. See, I have this really weird habit of monologing(sp?) to myself when nothing is going on. No, I don't think it means I'm crazy, I just read and write alot and my writing seeps into other aspect of my life.

Anyway, I began thinking about friends. Kind of. I started think about how I'm almost scared of people. (not scared, but you know what I mean). It's not like the other kids hated me in high school. They were just indifferent. I'm not complaining or anything, a bunch of it is me for not stepping up. But now I'm almost afraid to pop out of my shell because I'm scared of alienating the people who say "hi" to me (we're friends, see?) because I'm either too peppy or sarcastic (A contradiction, I know, read my profile). I worried about irritating people. I know I'm being paranoid, and if I stepped up, friends wouldn't be so few and far between. People probably think that I'm the indifferent one when I'm notm far from it. I'm just shy, I guess. Wow, when I got that "superlative" in HS, I thought it was completely wrong, but now I don't know. I don't want to be the quiet girl in the back of the room, I'm just afraid of pushing people away. That's a really weird paradox, I know.

With the exception of the last few posts, I tend not to talk about "deeper" things in my life. some people do, and that's fine. Blogs just aren't where I put my inner secrets or whatever. But there are some things I think it is good to let people in your head in about.

So what was to purpose of this blog post? To whine? To cry for others to reach out the hand of friendship? Or to simply put off the heap of homework piling up on me? Meditate on that. I'm not going to, but you can. Yes, I know that made little to no sense. I do that sometimes. ^_^